Having, on the whole, had a pretty positive week I sat down with my personal journal the other night to try and reflect/make sense of things. After a conversation with my GP, I realised I need to start focussing more on positive, achievable goals. I think I’ve more or less come to terms with the fact that I’ve had/still have enduring, profound MH difficulties, but I’m still trying to master the part where I lead as ‘normal’ a life as possible despite these. To that end, I made a list of some attainable, positive things that I might attempt on a day to day basis in the hope that I gain some momentum long the way:
I aim to clean and tidy my living space at least once a week. This is something that quickly slides when I’m not feeling very well and keeping on top of it is a chore, but simple things like running the hoover over the floor, dusting and opening the window really do brighten the place up.
Currently, I have little interest in food/eating. For my recovery to be a long term thing, this has to change. Once a week, I’d like to hunt for a recipe, shop for ingredients and prepare an evening meal for my parents and I. Maybe giving myself some control over what goes into the food we eat as a family will improve my attitude a bit when it comes to eating…it’s worth a try!
I have some paperwork to complete such that I can continue my OU studies in the autumn. Getting this done sooner rather than later will hopefully mean that my Disabled Student Allowance will be granted and in place in time, and that I’ll have the support I need for the full year, rather than the few months I got this year.
We have a gun dog trainer coming to the house to help us iron out some of Henry’s bad habits (!), so I can practice the daily training regime that he’s given us. This addresses not only my own future, but my future with Henry; I want to optimise the enjoyment I get from him, and his not being quite so naughty will help me achieve this!
I enjoy reading a lot. Before I was ill I would devour books, but illness has robbed me of my concentration and I now laboriously trudge through a handful of books in a year. I thought it might be nice to grant myself half an hour every afternoon to sit in a comfortable chair, with a cup of tea and read.
Writing has played a huge role in my journey through, and recovery from, Mental Illness. I think I’d like to develop this more, and perhaps get a bit more creative with it.
Plenty, then, to get me started and hopefully without overwhelming me. The future is no longer something that I fear. I already feel vulnerable and exposed just saying this and I hope it doesn’t backfire.