I write today from my darkened bedroom. It’s only four in the afternoon, but its 18 degrees outside, the kind of heat I find difficult to negotiate. I’m pretty sure I should’ve been born an Inuit in Alaska, travelling on the husky express, and harpooning whales*.
Anyway, I’m hiding in the shade, listening to Mike Posner and trying to make sense of the last couple of weeks. The first thing I should mention is that I, by the grace of God (or, in this case, Katy), got to the end of an OU module for the first time in about six years of trying. I sat my exam at home on Tuesday morning, something I didn’t even know for sure I would do until Tuesday morning itself. I thought I’d be feeling relieved right about now but, if I’m completely honest, I feel a bit daunted at the prospect of ‘time on my hands’. Since October, I’ve had my studies to focus on, to structure my day around, to occupy my mind. That’s suddenly been taken from me, and I don’t really know where to put myself. I have lots of ideas, since my mind ticks like a clock for most of my waking hours…but executing these ideas isn’t the same as conjuring them in my imagination.
The second thing is the current state of my physical health. After complaining of feeling run-down, and generally unwell, I had a battery of blood tests done last week. My behaviour/thinking around food is, frankly, chaotic. The long and short of it is that I’m barely getting the vitamins and iron I need from what I’m eating and that this needs to change if I want to feel better in myself.
So I need to address the change in my daily routine, and I need to address my diet. The last time I saw my GP, we had a detailed discussion about the things I enjoy (apparently there is a difference between doing things one enjoys and allowing oneself to enjoy said things, but that’s another post!), and that I might put in place as part of a ‘diversion plan’ for times when I’m most at risk of using SH to help me cope. My cousin and I drafted a rough plan at the time, so I ought to find that and develop it more fully.
My diet is a bit more tricky. I have little interest in preparing, or in fact eating, food. Once again, my cousin has been a great source of support. Chatting to her earlier this week, we established that I’d rather eat small amounts often, and avoid having to sit down to a large plateful of food. She suggested a smoothie every day (made from scratch) would be a good vehicle for a lot of what my body requires. This is something she does herself, so she made me one this morning to see what I thought. It’s certainly something I think I could allow myself to swallow, especially since I don’t have to chew it first and can adapt recipes to suit my own taste. I’ve ordered the same blender as my cousin has, and will get underway with that as soon as I can face shopping for ingredients.
So I have a ‘diversion plan’, and I have a blender…that’s a start.
*Just to clarify, I do not condone the hunting of wild animals of any kind. I’m just being facetious.