A Little Bit Lost…

After a good start to the year, and adopting a more positive attitude, things are slipping a bit.  On paper, there is absolutely no reason for this to be the case.  On paper, all should be right in my part of the World.  But, as a very compassionate person told me this morning, what I experience, what I go through does not compute, it does not translate on to paper.  Life, for some reason known only to God, has thrown me a curve ball.

The problem is, I don’t really know where to go with it.  In terms of medication, I left the baseline behind a ling time ago.  I’m on the maximum dose of two separate antidepressants, as well as a substantial dose of an antipsychotic drug…I’m not a big person, and there’s no way my body will tolerate much more.

In addition, I have little contact with the CMHT now.  The local MH team had a bit of an organisational shake-up recently, which means I have a new CPN whom I don’t know well.  She visits me fortnightly, and I don’t yet know her well enough to trust her, and be completely open.  All week, I’ve contemplated calling her, telling her I’m not coping quite so well, that self harm is a big part of my life again.  But I don’t know what I want from her, I really don’t.  It made sense, a few months ago, to push certain people away, people who were there to help me make changes…but my logic seems skewed now.

In any case, I have an appointment with the GP tomorrow morning.  I guess that’s as good a place to start as any…maybe he’ll be able to suggest something that hasn’t already occurred to me.

I’m sorry I don’t have anything profound with which to end…I guess I’m just letting off steam today.


One thought on “A Little Bit Lost…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s