No Off Switch

Since I wrote my last post, my Sister has given birth to a beautiful, healthy baby boy.  They are both doing well, and I couldn’t be more proud of her.  She was in labour for two days solid, but bore the whole thing like the trooper she is.  However, on the same day as my Nephew was born, my Mum tripped over the pup, broke her wrist and has had to undergo surgery to have it all pinned back together…talk about timing, right?

Consequently, I’ve lost count of the number of times that people have said to me: ‘[Mum/Sister] are going to need you, you have to stay strong for them…’.  I realise this, and I realise that people are trying to make me feel useful, or distract me.  But as much as I agree with the well-meaning intention, the sentiment, I have no off switch.  My Mum and Sister facing challenges, and my illness are not mutually exclusive.  My own problems don’t vanish, just because other people need me.  At the end of the day, when all is said and done, I still have what I have.

Of course I’m there for each of them, and anyone else who needs me.  I spent yesterday doing laundry for everyone else in the house, ironing what I could as I went, I cleaned my Sister’s bathroom, grabbing the odd half an hour to study for an upcoming exam wherever I could.  I just don’t know how long I can keep this up before I crack, before the shell I wear shatters into a thousand tiny pieces.

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