The 9pm Letters: Sadness And Stasis

Correspondence between a daughter with Mental Illness, and her long-suffering mum.

5 May 2016

Hey,

Been a while since I put anything down for you.

I saw the Dietitian today, and we decided between us that things are as good as they can be for now.  She has agreed to relax things a bit, and will see me again at the end of June.

I’m in no way happy with things as they are, but I lack the motivation to make the necessary changes.  I think this applies to several aspects of my life as it is now, and this makes me sad.  I feel stuck in a sort of static state, where I’m by no means as ill as I’ve been in the past…but I don’t feel particularly well either.  Yes, I go through the motions, but I never really know why, or what I’m trying to achieve.  I’m tired all the time, and feel I quite easily do things for other people with little regard for myself.  I don’t know if you think that’s fair to say or not…?

One thing I would like for myself, is to meet [friends].  And I’m about 99% sure that I want it to happen this year; think you mentioned September so I ran it by [friends] to see how it wold sit with them.  She was delighted at the idea.  Of all the virtual friends I’ve made, they’re the most dear to me by far.  We could self-cater, and take Henry with us.  I think you’d like it down there; it seems steeped in history, and Alicia is a fan of the Tudors!!

Anyway, write back, if you like.

Love you xxx

 
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