Not written for a couple of nights. I didn’t want you to feel like I’m harassing you, or forcing you to get involved in things against your will. I know you backed off when I asked you to come and see the Dietitian with me, and that’s ok. It makes no difference to me, going on my own, but I get frustrated when you challenge things I’ve been told, or complain about what has or hasn’t been done. If I’m handling it alone, then my methods have to be ok with everyone else. For what its worth, [Dietitian] said she thinks I’m managing it as well as can be expected, and that I have good insight.
I suppose we have to look at my track record when it comes to fighting this bastard of an illness, and I don’t just mean my ED – I mean the whole thing. It’s so hard so much of the time, but I keep coming out the other side (albeit slightly more scathed each time). So many times I’ve felt like giving in to it, but I never have. There’s something fierce inside me that battles on in the hope that, one day, something better comes along. Without hope, we have nothing, right?
In cutting myself some slack the other day, I reasoned that most people (students in my example) get up each day and sit down to work. I do the same, but the catch is that I have to fight my way out of a paper bag first. Just getting up and organised, and fighting the sedation that overhangs from the previous nights medication is a mammoth task.
Anyway, this is a two-way thing. You can always email me, even if I haven’t made the first move.
Love you loads,