Food For Thought (i)

**TW: detailed descriptions of ED-related behaviours.**

Yesterday, I met my third Dietician in as many years, having had issues around food for at least the last ten years.  As is always the case when meeting a MH (or any, I suppose) professional for the first time, I was asked what I thought would help – a bug bear of mine.

I couldn’t really answer, but I did (sort of) manage to articulate my goal (in terms of food, at least).  I want food to be a natural response to a basic human requirement, not something I obsess over for hours on end, and dream about.  I want to be able to eat without anxiety.  I want to be able to cook my own food, and help myself from a serving bowl.  I want to stop counting calories and restricting my intake.  I want to break the relentless, exhausting binge/purge cycle in which I’m embroiled – binging in desperate hunger and vomiting silently, with the taps running full-flow in the bathroom just in case a sound should find its way from my mouth alongside the contents of my tiny stomach.  I want to be able to eat out, enjoy the odd takeaway on a Saturday night, or go on a picnic.  I want to eat lots of fruit and veg, and not feel guilty that I’m treating my body well, nourishing myself.

A lot to ask, right?  To begin with, we’ve gone for a very basic meal plan, with a view to adding things when I feel ready for the next challenge.  In theory, if I can adopt the ‘little and often’ approach, I’ll maintain my blood sugar levels better and be less likely to binge…that would be a start, I think.

 

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