So on Monday I visited the GP to ask about the possibility of stopping my current use of Diazepam (Therapy Not On Hold). I (as I usually do) wrote down what I thought were the important points, the logic behind my decision. I told him I didn’t want to decrease my dose; I want off the drug altogether. I want to feel things, I want to know if I’m making positive changes because I want to make them, or because the Diazepam makes me indifferent, have an apathetic attitude towards everything.
I also want to know if some of my darker thoughts are real, or if they are a result of me being calm enough to sit and think for longer periods of time. Do I have too much thinking time? Probably, but I think most people with MH issues do.
In short, we are conducting an experiment. I reduce the current number of tablets I take each day by one each week. All being well, I should have tapered down to zero by 14th September. The GP promised to call me in a couple of weeks to make sure things are going ok, and I’ll see him again a couple of weeks after that. I can’t stress enough how amazing my GP is…the surgery in general, to be honest…they know me, are kind to me and always accommodate me.
I’m not too worried about the first couple of weeks, it’s what comes after that, the thought of having to go a full day with no sedation. Will I be living a better life by then? Or will I be regretting this decision?