“I wish there was somewhere you wanted to go, or something you wanted to do…”
These were the words spoken to me this evening by my Mum after a vaguely relevant conversation. For the past few months, my parents have been trying to encourage me to take a short break with them, somewhere nearby. They have themselves convinced that a change of scenery will do me the world of good. They have promised that they will make things as easy for me as possible. We’ll self-cater, so won’t have to eat out. We don’t have to leave our accommodation if I don’t want to. I can take my Art supplies with me, so I have something therapeutic to do should I become distressed.
Anyway, to cut to the chase, the designated timeframe for this to happen was the week beginning 10th August when my Mum will be on Annual Leave from work. My Dad (being self-employed), is pretty flexible with holidays. As this week is nigh, and nothing has been arranged, it looks like another anticlimactic week at home.
As it turns out, I have my PIP assessment on Tuesday 11th anyway, which will obviously dampen my mood at least until the Wednesday. But my Mum has asked me to think about having a day away with her and my Dad. She tells me we can do anything, or go anywhere, but that I have to leave my bedroom, my home town, even. So I’ve been busy wracking my brains, trying to come up with ideas. Truth be told, in an ideal world, there are a lot of places I’d like to go. We live within driving distance of some of the most stunning scenery in the world. I would like to drive up the North coast, to the Erskine Bridge and over to Loch Lomond for the day. I would like to visit somewhere on the East coast, with which I am less familiar. Our largest and busiest city, Glasgow, is teeming with Art Galleries and Exhibitions…although I think my Dad would be insufferably bored!
And, in the wider world, there are places I’d love to visit for longer than a day (simply because we don’t have a TARDIS). I’d like to see the Lake District, Yorkshire, Devon and Cornwall (where we went family holidays when I was young). I want to go back to London, which has an added attraction now that I have such a good friend in Beth. Or further South, to Hastings, where I could meet Med, Alicia and their ever expanding family. Oh, and not to forget Verity, in Oxford. And then there are more exotic destinations; Italy, Austria, Switzerland, Canada, the West Coast of America (San Francisco, Big Sur, Yosemite and Yellowstone National Parks).
But right now, this is nothing but fantasy. The look on my Mum’s face when she spoke those words this evening was heart-wrenching. She looked so sad, disappointed, angry at the world, angry at me. And the intrinsic, avoidant, part of my personality walked away from her, disconnected myself from the situation…just as it makes a mockery of all the things I’d like to do and all the places I’d like to see.