TW: References to self-harm. Please proceed only if you are comfortable with the subject matter.
I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve been told I won’t stop SHing overnight, that there will be slips along the way. And that’s OK, so long as the slips are small, and I can catch my balance before I land on my face. But they never are; each relapse is an effort to outdo the last, the wounds are more serious and difficult for me to cope with. What can possibly be wrong with me, that I inflict so much pain on myself that I’m screaming in agony…? That my Dad and I have to spend a Tuesday evening in A&E…? That I need to see a Nurse daily, to have wounds dressed and cleaned…?
I lost my grip on the rope last night, and now I’m lying back at the bottom of the hole, thrashing around, like a bug on it’s back.