TW: mild reference to self-harm.
So, in general, I feel like shit. SH is off the scale again, I’m struggling to deal with some extreme emotion, GP has given me some Lorazepam which makes me feel like I’ve had a glass or two of wine (I don’t drink) and I’ve recently been given Iron tablets for Anaemia…for the record, a low blood count doesn’t do much for one’s mood!
But this afternoon, I went to the park with my Cousin’s little boy (aged 4). The plan was that we would go on ahead, and his Mum and little Brother (aged 1) would catch us up. And it was a delight. He chatted the whole way there…ok, he asked questions the whole way there…why do we have ears!? He insisted on being lifted to enable him to see over a hedge to the man cutting the grass on the cricket pitch, who waved to him. He made me scramble on to a climbing frame alongside him, to sit on miniature seats and watch for his Mum.
Yeah, I’m having a crap time. And, yeah, it’s not going to improve much in the next couple of weeks. I’m also faced with the prospect of being unable to cope with anything remotely outwith my routine ever again (I don’t have a great track record). But, this afternoon, I had a brief reprieve. I forgot about ‘stuff’ for a little while and enjoyed the company of a 4-year-old, and the fact that he needed me. He needed me to get him safely to the park, lift him in and out of swings, push him on swings, explain why we have ears…I felt I should record this as a good afternoon, as evidence that it can happen from time to time.