Drawing For My Life

TW: mild references to self-harm.

I was unsure whether to write this post here, or over on idrawtoforget.wordpress.com, but I think it belongs here.  Anyone who reads this blog will know that I have a huge issue with SH, which has escalated quite significantly in recent weeks.  I won’t divulge details here, nor will I provide links to any relevant posts.  The particulars are not important here.

The thing that is important is that I have been ‘clean’* for almost a full 5 days.  I have overcome urge, after urge, after urge and have no new wounds to speak of.  How?  I have been drawing incessantly since Sunday; charcoal portraits of characters from my favourite TV show, I had my Art Therapy class yesterday afternoon, I have drawn and coloured all day today.  In short, I am drawing to stay alive.  It is the only activity that can consume my time to a greater extent than intrusive thoughts can consume my mind.  It is the only thing (ok, apart from Benzos) that can make me feel remotely relaxed.  Here is a little of what I’ve drawn today:

Doodles:

drawingforlife drawingforlife2

Zentangle:

drawingforlife3

This is what has gotten me through the last few days.  I’ve no idea what tomorrow holds, or the day after that.  But tonight I go to bed safe.

*I use the term ‘clean’, because I’m fully aware that my SH is an addiction.  Just as some are addicted to alcohol, or drugs, I am addicted to self-injury.  And just as someone might be ‘clean’ in terms of drug use, I can be clean in relation to SH.

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7 thoughts on “Drawing For My Life

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