TW: mild references to self-harm.
I was unsure whether to write this post here, or over on idrawtoforget.wordpress.com, but I think it belongs here. Anyone who reads this blog will know that I have a huge issue with SH, which has escalated quite significantly in recent weeks. I won’t divulge details here, nor will I provide links to any relevant posts. The particulars are not important here.
The thing that is important is that I have been ‘clean’* for almost a full 5 days. I have overcome urge, after urge, after urge and have no new wounds to speak of. How? I have been drawing incessantly since Sunday; charcoal portraits of characters from my favourite TV show, I had my Art Therapy class yesterday afternoon, I have drawn and coloured all day today. In short, I am drawing to stay alive. It is the only activity that can consume my time to a greater extent than intrusive thoughts can consume my mind. It is the only thing (ok, apart from Benzos) that can make me feel remotely relaxed. Here is a little of what I’ve drawn today:
This is what has gotten me through the last few days. I’ve no idea what tomorrow holds, or the day after that. But tonight I go to bed safe.
*I use the term ‘clean’, because I’m fully aware that my SH is an addiction. Just as some are addicted to alcohol, or drugs, I am addicted to self-injury. And just as someone might be ‘clean’ in terms of drug use, I can be clean in relation to SH.