I Don’t Have Autism Spectrum Disorder

Referring back to posts such as Should We Come With A Label, Seeking Identity and Diagnosis, Spectra and Stigma, regular readers of this blog will know that I recently questioned my current diagnoses (GAD and Depression) as stand-alone conditions, and have been undergoing assessment for Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) and Avoidant Personality Disorder (APD).

This week, I learned that I definitely don’t have ASD.  My therapist and I spent around three sessions looking at this as a possible diagnosis and, after thorough analysis, she has ruled it out.  I am absolutely fine with this.  I am happy that we left nothing unturned, my Mum answered some questions regarding my early years and I was 100% honest at every stage of the testing process.  Together, we went through a summary of the findings and I’m satisfied that I wasn’t even a borderline case; I categorically do not have ASD.  I didn’t have any difficulties as an infant, or at Primary School.  My social awkwardness only became apparent as I went through Secondary School.  I know what it is/isn’t appropriate to say, do, wear at specific times.  I’m no conversationalist, and rarely initiate conversation but I can respond when someone speaks to me.  If I’m relaxed enough, I can even discuss certain topics at length; music, books, movies, popular science…

However, what we have discovered, is that I meet the necessary criteria for APD.  My therapist cannot officially diagnose but she can relate the work we have done to my Psychiatrist, and he can either dismiss or endorse what she has found.  Looking back at a previous post, Seeking Identity, I admit that APD is a much better fit than ASD.  I am not frightened by the prospect of being labelled with a ‘Personality Disorder’ (for what that term is even worth).  Some of the nicest people I have met online have Borderline (or Emotionally Unstable) Personality Disorder.  Furthermore, it would certainly explain a lot; my aversion to the work environment, an ‘inability’ to push myself outside of my comfort zone (largely, my bedroom), the contempt with which I view myself…

In any case, I have to wait until the end of April to hear what my Consultant thinks…in the mean time, dare I start to hope that I might eventually start to build a future for myself?


3 thoughts on “I Don’t Have Autism Spectrum Disorder

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